You take what you want, often without asking. What being assertive doesn't mean is acting in your own interest without considering other people's rights, feelings, desires, or needs — that is aggression. Notice if you say "I don't know," "I don't care," or "it doesn't matter" when someone asks what you want. Training[ edit ] Joseph Wolpe originally explored the use of assertiveness as a means of " reciprocal inhibition " of anxiety, in his book on treating neurosis; and it has since been commonly employed as an intervention in behavior therapy. Preparation Preparation for assertiveness training varies from person to person. It is important to distinguish between contexts or situations in which verbal assertiveness is appropriate and useful, and those in which it is irrelevant. Consider role-playing with a friend or colleague and ask for blunt feedback. Don't wait for someone else to recognize what you need. The nervousness or anxiety is usually due to the individual's concern about others' reactions to their assertive responses.
Even if what you want isn't possible right now, ask politely whether you can revisit your request in six months time. To avoid unpleasant and risky situations. Conflict is hard for most people. If you start to feel like your opinions or feelings don't count, it can lower your confidence and rob you of the chance to get recognition and positive feedback for your good ideas. For example, "John, this is the third time this week I've had to speak to you about arriving late. It likely won't happen overnight but, by practising these techniques regularly, you will slowly build up the confidence and self-belief that you need to become assertive. It's the ability to speak up for ourselves in a way that is honest and respectful. Research has also suggested that gender can have a bearing on how assertive behavior is perceived, with men more likely to be rewarded for being assertive than women. Gives in or withdraws when conflict arises. Other articles you might like: This can even lead to feeling depressed. Don't cross your arms or legs. Description Assertiveness training is often included within other programs, but "stand-alone" programs in self-assertion are often given in women's centers or college counseling centers. Personal relationships may be affected if those around the participant have difficulty accepting the changes in their friend or family member. If this is the case, you may need to take further action by setting up a formal meeting to talk about the problem, or escalating your concerns to Human Resources HR or your boss. The Benefits of Being Assertive One of the main benefits of being assertive is that it can help you to become more self-confident, as you gain a better understanding of who you are and the value that you offer. Catch yourself, and say: Assertiveness training typically begins with an information-gathering exercise in which participants are asked to think about and list the areas in their life in which they have difficulty asserting themselves. One additional precaution about assertiveness training is that it should not be regarded as the equivalent of martial arts training or similar physical self-defense techniques. Tell the other person exactly what you need from her so that she doesn't have to guess. When you're assertive, you are self assured and draw power from this to get your point across firmly, fairly and with empathy. Notice if you interrupt. Role-plays often include examples of aggressive and passive responses, in addition to the assertive responses, to help participants distinguish between these extremes as they learn a new set of behaviors. Even when Ben disagrees with you, you still feel he respects your point of view. Assertive people tend to have the following characteristics: To dominate or win in every situation by humiliating, degrading, belittling or overpowering others. If you feel too emotional going into a situation, wait a bit if possible.
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