Whether your friend is worth this effort depends on what he or she means to you. If your frenemy tends to cancel at the last minute, for example, create backup plans. In a study published in Holt-Lunstad and Uchino asked male and female volunteers to wear blood pressure monitors for three days. But intriguingly, blood pressure was also more elevated in the presence of ambivalent friends than it was with people the subjects disliked but could not avoid such as classmates or co-workers. To scientists, these problematic pals are known as ambivalent friends. If such friends make us unhappy, why do we keep them? In other words, you are less able to overlook a thoughtless comment made by a frenemy than one made by someone you think of as supportive. No shilly-shally in Kate.
If your frenemy tends to cancel at the last minute, for example, create backup plans. Then the volunteers completed two stressful exercises: But the history of versatility is a tad disreputable. Not surprisingly, blood pressure readings were typically higher when individuals encountered ambivalent friends than when they saw supportive friends. But either way, you can work on keeping your end of the friendship bargain. The result suggests that supportive relationships buffer the body against stress but that ambivalent friends have the opposite effect. Fingerman has found that people are likely to view spouses, parents, children and siblings with more ambivalence than friends and acquaintances. Other research suggests that ambivalent friends can lower resistance to stress. In a study published in Holt-Lunstad and Uchino asked male and female volunteers to wear blood pressure monitors for three days. Understanding Social Relationship Maintenance among Friends: In a study psychologists Meliksah Demir and Lesley Weitekamp, then both at Wayne State University, gave college students questionnaires about their personality, their happiness level, and the quality and number of their friendships. No friendship is perfect, of course. Whether your friend is worth this effort depends on what he or she means to you. In other words, you are less able to overlook a thoughtless comment made by a frenemy than one made by someone you think of as supportive. Many are in the family. If such friends make us unhappy, why do we keep them? Every time a subject had a social interaction lasting more than five minutes, he or she would describe it in a diary and rate the quality of that relationship. To scientists, these problematic pals are known as ambivalent friends. This sentence, from Edmund Burke in , describes a timeless and unpleasant experience: In these troublesome relationships, qualities such as warmth and understanding go hand-in-hand with criticism, jealousy or rejection. His choicefull sense with euerie change doth flit. So far they are finding that such ties have negative effects on mental and physical well-being, boosting blood pressure and risk of depression while lowering resistance to stress. The researchers defined quality friendships as those scoring high on help, intimacy, self-validation, reliable alliance, emotional security and stimulating companionship. In , the term popped up in a translation of a Jean Calvin sermon: Psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad of Brigham Young University recommends avoiding previously problematic subjects or situations. But frenemies are consistently imperfect, scoring low on factors such as reliable alliance and self-validation, for example.
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