Being jealous of someone because you consider them a better person morally, professionally, aesthetically, more popular, etc'. On the other side of the rope, telling a child that no matter what he does he is accepted and appreciated is bad too, since it encourages no effort from the child. I may be happy for Barbara, or my envy may be fleeting. In contrast, I can think about my needs, desires, and how to fulfill them. A paramour can provide an ambivalent spouse a sense of independence that allows him or her to stay in the marital relationship. And worse, it places one's self esteem on a value that does not naturally arise from one's desires and interests. Each person has some idea of his own worth in his eyes.
It is a painful feeling regarding a value one has and is afraid of losing - or something a person has difficulty having, but see another enjoying. The latter case foments Oedipal desires in the child that can cause dysfunction in later adult relationships. The last part is crucial. Once he has some idea what he can expect from himself, he judges himself by how well he did compared to his ability. Consider what it does to someone passionate about painting: The feeling is of having something bigger than oneself, something from above, like a severe judge, that the person has to live up to to be worthy. However, whereas envy is the desire to possess what someone else has, jealousy is the fear of losing what we have. They feel both envious and jealous of their same-sex parent. A rational standard of judging oneself is based on evaluation of one's performance in relation to one's actual abilities. Jealousy, like other emotions, serves human survival. This way, so long as the person does his best, he gains self esteem, even if others can do better than him. It gives us a sense of control over the anticipated inevitable abandonment that would hurt even more. On the other side of the rope, telling a child that no matter what he does he is accepted and appreciated is bad too, since it encourages no effort from the child. This kind of education makes self-esteem impossible. How does this come to be? It is defined as mental uneasiness due to suspicion or fear of rivalry or unfaithfulness and may include envy when our rival has aspects that we desire. It could be that this person did the best he could. It is also important to choose the goals according to one's personal interests based on how a person feels about various things. This child is taught that repression, self-beating and hard, joyless work are his main tools to become a worthy person. Children are frequently envious and jealous of the attention showered on a newborn sibling. He does this by trying the best he can and observing the results and speed of progression in improving his skills in that field. This post was inspired by an insightful article: Thus, codependents take rejection hard, because of low self-esteem, toxic shame, and history of emotional abandonment. The correct combination is judging one's success in achieving things but in relation to his abilities and limitations. By discouraging infidelity, jealousy historically has served to maintain the species, certainty of paternity, and the integrity of the family. Each person has some idea of his own worth in his eyes. A chronically fat woman envying a good looking woman for being thinner.
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