There are plenty of good people out there from which to choose, and it is not because you are unlovable, unattractive, or in some other way cursed to remain sans a decent relationship. Anyone who gives you the slightest hope of involvement makes you "smell" love and ignore the realities of who that person is. By that I mean you consider yourself a person who habitually falls in love in such a way that you act as though you have no control whatsoever over your emotions. The best couples are those who can feel strongly and deeply for each other while standing on their own two feet. But changing your partner's attitude toward you without his or her consent is the only route that's truly impossible.
Why do so many people find themselves repeatedly in one-sided love affairs in the form of painful crushes, rebound relationships or relationships where one person is married or otherwise unavailable physically or emotionally? Sometimes it's to stay in a relationship that most would define as "unworkable", but more often, it means getting out. Sometimes it is great to have feelings that are fantasy-based about being involved with someone in a spontaneous way. It's only when you insist that your fantasy must go further than reality dictates, that things become painful. Perhaps long-term or committed involvement is not what you want, but if it is, recognizing the one-sided nature of the relationships you enter and your patterns in these relationships can help you take a step back, and allow yourself to find the relationship you've been hoping for. By that I mean you consider yourself a person who habitually falls in love in such a way that you act as though you have no control whatsoever over your emotions. How to Know Whether to Stay or Go , you can find help in either getting out of an unfulfilling relationship, or work on the one you're in to make it a relationship that's more mutually fulfilling. Occasionally, they do get what they want. In this case, it's your self-esteem that's the culprit. You might tend to be love-prone. You might have a preoccupation with vulnerability in relationships. As you work on that, see if the person still interests you. In fact, the word "vulnerability" literally means weak. So think twice about dismissing those signs when they are present. Anyone who gives you the slightest hope of involvement makes you "smell" love and ignore the realities of who that person is. In my experience as a psychologist with a specialty in the relationship area, I am here to tell you that there is a fulfilling relationship for practically everybody. Although it has been romanticized that being vulnerable is the way to go, vulnerability also means weakness or the inability to choose. On the one hand you want it and seek it; on the other hand you pick the kind of person who gives clear and early signs that commitment is not really for him or her. Most people I've seen as a psychologist over the years start by demanding change in the other person that will -- at last -- make involvement in their relationship mutual. Maybe your self-esteem depends so much on being in a relationship. You could be ambivalent about commitment. There are plenty of good people out there from which to choose, and it is not because you are unlovable, unattractive, or in some other way cursed to remain sans a decent relationship. You may even feel as though you catch "love at first sight" almost as though it were some kind of virus. But the downside is when you realize, but refuse to accept the reality that whatever it is you are fantasizing about won't go any further. Sometimes just the recognition that your relationship comes under this category is all that is needed to help you make some necessary choices. However, those who typically enter into or stay in one-sided love affairs do so for several reasons, for example:
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